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Wow. That could not have turned out worse.
Part 23 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
This comic will be on Holiday Hiatus this December and January! While on a cliffhanger? What a scam! >:/
#Chara finally realizes something is wrong....very wrong#And you get to see little Chara for all of 2 drawings. wow. You guys are so spoiled uwu#Asriel and Chara bbfs#finally out of that darn tootin' Darkworld! WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR 2 YEARS!!!#LORE TIME LORE TIME. I know Chara is very vague about it but player-human relationships are very personal.#it can be hard to talk about them if you've been possessed yourself. especially with some stigmas around it#chara just wanted a glass of water. why you gotta do this to em#I am so so so happy to get here#the full excitement has faded since I first thought up this scene but It's still one hell of an accomplishment#YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA how many times I reworked this and how many rough drafts I've thrown out the window because of it.#tbh. I may post the 10+ rough pages that will never see the light of day#Im glad I didnt go through with that scrapped plot bc It was too many unneeded pages. I've learned to start condensing in a better way#I am also planning on showing off my Patreon soon :) so I'll be posting complete scrapped story lines over there#deltarune chara timeline#deltarune#utdr#deltarune chara timeline comic#art#my art#bread#chara#asriel#saloon darkworld#darkworld#deltarune au#college chara#college asriel
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Seeing Silco and Vander together in the AU lowkey feels like watching your based nonbinary best friend get back with their shitty ex boyfriend who misgenders them. Girl he's a centrist and he tried to drown you stfu about "forgiveness"
#tumblr is aware of the “afab nonbinary starts dating a straight man and goes back to she/her pronouns to appease him” phenomena yes?#like oh you used to be an awesome revolutionary and in this au you've stamped out everything radical about yourself to get back w this man#like I LOVE zaundads conceptually its such a brilliant interesting dynamic and it is cool that they get their lil family#but it also I feel just shows how much the writers fucking hate silco lol. if he wants a relationship w his daughter he has to give up on#revolution and forgive his fuckass murder centrist ex. okayyyy stop. silco needs better standards for himself#esp with the knowledge that vander had been the only person who really respected silco. like i know its hard to believe but you can in fact#do better. you don't have to forgive domestic violence man. there are people out there who will respect and support you and your revolution#and not try to kill you. people have mistreated you but it isnt your fault and you deserve a based non-murderous bf#arcane#silco#silco arcane#arcane critical#? i guess#i dont know if i want to ship tag. i need you all to know that i do like the ship i just wish the writers werent cringe so they couldve been#back together because VANDER realised that he was cringe and wrong and not bc silco gave up on his ideals#errgg fuck it#zaundads
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Y'know what? Fuck it (gives u guys a list of poc artists to listen to cause the white ppl on the music side of tumblr have been embarassing me)
List is under the cut, and warning bc I made it very long
Rock:
Los Abuelos De La Nada
Gesu No Kiwami Otobe
Chuck Berry
Ben E. King
Los Prisoneros
Ahmed Fakroun (ok this one's french art rock but in my book it still counts)
Burnout Syndromes (been fucking w them since I got into Haikyuu lmao)
Infinity Song (their hater song genuinely gets me every time LMAO)
People in the Box
N.E.R.D (my god if u don't know them.. idk dude my brother has been obsessed w them for forever so i just was not getting away regardless lol)
Punk/Punk Rock (& other punk subgenres):
Nova Twins (u must listen to them it's just the way it's gotta be guys)
Rina Sawayama (her hatred of Matty Healy is so attractive. i cannot believe i found her two years ago cause i still remember i would not shut up when i first heard her music it was so good)
BABYMETAL (the way their band name just straight up screams at people gets me every time lmaooo)
Indie:
The Younger Lovers
Mashrou Leila
Stella Jang
Shak SYrn (Jenni is on repeat in my room at any given moment)
Steve Lacy (if u listen to more than just Bad Habit u will find an actuall amazing discography)
Jenny Nuo (i have been OBSESSED w her music since like 2021 ish and it is a crime she hasn't blown up more imo)
Nujabes
Hemlocke Springs (oooo i hate that she does not get more love!!! synth pop and alt indie is such a fun niche like!!!)
Lyn Lapid (in my head she's huge but i have recently learned that artists i think r super popular may be unknown to an entire genre of ppl soo)
Megagonefree (found them on ig and omg!! PLS go check them out genuinely)
boa (i am once again shaming u if u don't know them)
Wallice
JAZZ (in all caps bc I fucking LOVE jazz no it's not dead go listen to jazz rn motherfuckers):
Idris Muhammad
Esperanza Spalding
Joanna Wang (ok she does pop and folk music too but idk she felt most appropriate here)
SAMARA JOY (put. some. respect. on. her. name. i would actually go to war for her i am not kidding. also this is in all caps bc MY MOM GOT TO SEE HER LIVE??? AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE WAS PLS I WAS SO MAD OMGGG but i've been promised tickets next time so we're good)
Sade (my og one and only)
Funk:
Fadoul
George Clinton (i mean he's just a classic yknow)
Parliament (Give Up the Funk can make me dance like no other i swear)
Stevie Wonder (i mean.. like if we're on the topic of classics anyway then...)
Michael Jackson/The Jackson 5 (moreso his earlier stuff if my memory isn't lying to me.. look it's been a second since i listened to mj IM SORRY i am a busy person ok TT)
R&B:
Valerie June
Maxine Nightingale (if u don't listen to her... how do u have fun? actual question i put her on every time i need to feel happy atp)
Boney. M (technically they're reggae but they also count as R&B so idk.. i'm just putting them here if anyone wants me to move them later i will)
Amahla (Ca Suffit was so good and got me to check out the rest of her music, YOU SHOULD TOO!!)
Mary J Blige (not to judge but like... if u don't know THE queen then idk how to help you tbh)
SZA (wouldn't be a list without her in it tbh. i'm in love w her not even joking abt that)
Kali Uchis (to this day i cannot believe i saw her live i'm truly never getting a better moment than that omggg i have such a big crush on her anyway)
Aupinard (if ever u need to just vibe, this is the man u go to.)
Wejdene (TU PARLES AVEC UNE ANISSA MA MOI J'APPELLE WEJDENE- she's been my day 1 since i was like thirteen i can't even lie)
Annisse (just found out she only has like ~500 listeners on spotify??? apparently i'm one of them tho lmao so yeah go get that number up guys i love her too much for this disrespect)
Sister Sledge
Cheryl Lynn
Reggae:
Daddy Yankee (he's an honourable mention cause i couldn't not lmao)
Skindred (they're a reggae/metal fusion band and i will shut up abt them when i'm dead bc Nobody rewired my brain chemistry!!)
Manu Chao
Toquinho (i was so convinced this man was bossa nova but apparently he is reggae and i need to do some music theory review)
Folk:
Sushi Soucy (oh the things I Deserve to Bleed had me going thru in 2020/2021)
Miriam Makeba (Pata Pata should be enough to get anyone listening to her, just saying)
Lead Belly (do urself a favour and do some research on this man, i'm not kidding even if u don't like folk music u should know abt him- ESPECIALLY if u like Nirvana that'll make sense later trust)
Pop:
Corinne Bailey Rae (she has so much good music that gets ignored bc of Put Your Records On so.. yeah go listen to Black Rainbows she's only gotten better as time goes on lol)
Dru (he is for any person who likes ke$ha. i'm so serious he is early 2000s in a bottle and i love his music ur rlly missing out if u ignore him)
Monique Hasbun (found her recently! she's a Palestinian, Mexican and Salvadorian artist who plays around with Latin pop and does a lot of fusion music. she's dope go listen to her fr)
Mohammad Assaf (he made the Palestine song that's been going around ig a lot, but his other stuff is great as well. he's another Palestinian artist, so once again, go check him out!!)
Pinkpanthress (i LOVE her she's so much fun to just vibe to and idk how anyone couldn't have heard of her atp but then again this is the sight that didn't know who drake was so... sigh. go listen to her if u don't already!!)
Aliyah's Interlude (BROOO if u haven't heard of her actually go listen rn i'm so serious she is so good i can'ttttt ok bye)
Veondre (had a collab w Aliyah on It Girl and is gonna be releasing her own music very soon! she's trans too so go give her some love)
Shalco (wasn't sure whether to put him here or in hip hop, but his stuff is very very good either way)
Ado (she's j-pop but it's a form of pop so into the pop category she goes)
Moon (she's got two songs out rn, Moonlight and Seoul City Drift, and both r going on loop in my head at all times)
Jay Chou (call me a basic bitch idc he's good ok)
Atarashii Gakko! (i wouldn't say they're j-pop, but google did, so i'm just going w it lol)
flowerovlove (just trust me on this one)
El Tio Gamboin (Los Gatitos is such a cute song)
Grace Chang (see note for Jay Chou)
King Gnu (for all my j-pop lovers... come get ur man)
Salsa:
Lalo Rodriguez (included this genre specifically so i could mention him)
Adalberto Santiago
Roberto Roena (he's a classic i can't lie)
Hector Lavoe (i think he might be the most popular one in this genre lol)
City Pop (this is its own genre bc i literally did a presentation in high school abt it and i'll be damned if i don't flex my knowledge now):
Mariya Takeuchi
Miki Matsubara (my QUEEN my everything my-)
Anri
Taeko Onuki (one of my most listened to artists last yr for a Reason)
Kaoru Akimoto
Kingo Hamada
Jun Togawa
Bossa Nova:
Joao Gilberto (ooo he gets me every time i fucking love this man)
Elizeth Cardoso
Johnny Alf (forgot this man the first time around my bad BUT he's called the father of bossa nova for a reason so)
Hip Hop:
Flyana Boss (they're sooooo good i actually can't gush enough i have never felt so girlypop listening to music before go listen to them!! found the duo through ig so yeah if u want go follow them on there too to show support)
Lil Uzi Vert (for any emo lovers, go check out his song Werewolf with Bring Me the Horizon it is SO GOOD)
Samyra (she's slowly curing my body dysmorphia lol)
Yame (there's an accent on the e but idk how to do that on tumblr. anyway my ass loves french rap and before him i was stuck with klub des loosers so he saved my faith in the genre i can't even lie)
Lay Bankz (u cannot be chronically online and not have heard Ick yet, but i'm repping her regardless bc SHE'S SO GOOD)
A Boogie Wit Da Hoodie (HEAR ME OUT-)
Kaliii (Area Codes was one of my most listened to songs last year... as it should be tbh)
Miguel (he does R&B too i just first listened to him bc of his collab w J.Cole sooo)
Tyler the Creator (putting him on here just to brag abt getting to see him in concert lmao)
XXXTentacion (he has been mourned and talked abt an insane amount, but he deserves it i'm not even gonna joke on this one. his artistry is insane and he deserves some love if u haven't listened to him yet)
Kendrick Lamar (i mean i've been reblogging stuff abt him enough. Mr. Morale was actually the album that made me start Listening listening to him and i'm honestly glad it was bc that album is still my favourite to this day if i'm being totally honest)
Renaissauce (criminally and i do mean CRIMINALLY underrated)
#ok i'm stopping here bc i'm a little scared that tumblr is gonna crash on me soon#but u guys get the point#if anyone wants an extension of this list w more genres i would be happy to provide btw#this felt so chaotic to make but it was rlly fun to go through my spotify and actually check the artists i listen to#idk sometimes u just have to remind yourself that you do in fact have good music sometimes lol#music#kendrick lamar#tyler the creator#kali uchis#samara joy#music recs#was contractually obligated to make this after seeing how white some ppl's playlists r apparently#and like guys... you've got no excuse if my white ass can find time to appreciate music#plus these artists r all amazing on their own anyway so check them out regardless#also i'm so sorry to my moots for not shutting up abt music lately#apparently i had a lot of feelings abt it that i have not been getting of my chest so#i'll be back to posting the norm soon (although what even is the norm for me lol)
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Rewatching succession it really is wild to see Kendall and Shiv convince themselves over and over again that they can "fix ATN/Waystar from the inside" only to completely abandon their morals the minute it gives them a strategic advantage.
When they're on the outside it's an endless diatribe about how evil and rotten the company is to its core, but the second they get the slightest whiff of power they suddenly decide the problems are actually really manageable and that with the right leadership it could be a force for good, and like...the saddest part is that they genuinely seem to believe that.
#where's that crime and punishment quote about how the worst thing is that you've betrayed yourself for nothing...#and they really seem to think its true! they genuinely believe that they can turn it around and make it good! it's not an act!#kendall really thinks he's a feminist and 'one of the good ones' and shiv really does think she stands with/for women and liberal#ideals and the truth is that no matter how much they might care about those things they will always love power more and they#are infinitely more invested in the power structures that keep injustice alive than they are in actually trying to stop injustice#roman is the only one who's actually aware and honest about how fucked it all is but he thinks that means everything's bullshit and#therefore nothing matters. which can be just as dangerous as convincing yourself you're the good guy (see: america decides)#that's one of the things i like so much about the ending for shiv and kendall bc they're finally forced to confront the lies they've been#telling themselves. and like. maybe that'll go nowhere. maybe they won't change. but they might. and the only hope they have#of actually growing as people and maybe doing something good is if that illusion gets shattered#idk man i just have so many thoughts about succession#succession#shiv roy#kendall roy
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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just need to vent about the Olympics
#Saw the shittiest take saying “on top of the emotional distress on imane imagine how much in danger she is back home”#are you stupid? no seriously. are you stupid?#You think the entire goddamn country who sent here to the Olympics and the mena singing her praises didn't already know about the yx thing?#“oh i meant like bc of the trans allegations and yk”#literally go fuck yourself#don't make the cost of yout activism the demeaning of arab countries and painting us as savages#some of you are too comfortable showing your racism and ignorance under the guise of supporting queer identities#surprise surprise! us in those “barbaric uncivilised” countries don't go throwing people over roofs bc of trans allegations#Yes women can dress as manly as they want and hijab is never forced. Do you ever think before you speak??#Women like imane are welcomed and common in arab countries#the transphobes we have here are the same fucking ones you have in the west! how come yours is special and civilised terfs???#And stop calling her khalif for fucks sake. learn how arabic names work before butchering them with your ignorant self centered naming systm#Imane is her first name. Khalif is her FATHER'S first name. You're calling her by her father's first name NOT her last name#arabic names go with your first name first. father's first name second. grandpa firstname third then great grandpa THEN last name#call her imane and stop embarrassing yourself bc you're just calling her by a man's name. her father's#“trans allegations” as if our people take the west media seriously rather than a circus show at best. You're repeating old news.#And even if there were. People here are actually a community nurtured on kindness. even the most conservatives mind their business#We're raised on being a community. strangers are your brothers and sisters. Live and let live#But your goddamn media takes stories of religion extremist and paints ALL of us like that. and your tiny brain actually believes it#Hey! you know those gay stories on my blog you've been reading? They were written by a savage arab oh no!#They were written by someone who lives in those dangerous arabic countries! oh no!#You don't know our culture. You don't know our beliefs. You will never grasp our ideals bc they were weaved from kindness and helping others#So don't fucking talk shit about things you know NOTHING about. You don't know the queer arab struggles#the same bad apples you have there we have here. shitty people are shitty regardless of nationality#But actually we do have some etiquette and considerations for others here. We don't go throwing bricks at queen tourists do we?#So why would we do it to our own people you sad excuse of a human
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#horrible leg cramps have calmed a bit but are continuing along with thumpy heartrate increase#and my magnesium supplement is out of date and i'm not trying to go out after more#look up leg cramps just to see if there's helpful advice#let's see continuing leg cramps causes: diabetes ✔️ okay. thyroid issues ✔️ vitamin deficiencies yeah ik. severe anemia too ✔️#this does not narrow it down at all#oh also cholesterol medications too so ✔️#but the only one the dr has been calling me to come in for is the anemia so ...#just why suddenly after work you know? like they still *function* fine it's just this constant 'something is wrong'#ever since i got sick my body chemistry has been utterly whacked and now i'm not sick but it's getting weirder not better#i have had leg cramps before (why i had the magn and potassium supplements) but they went away after i slept#these went away then came back also they showed up just as i was feeling better#after a day of just feeling the malaise of a bad day spent feeling 'something is wrong' but nothing specific enough to identify#so like it was a good sogn bc i felt better but now it keeps on and i'm feeling bad again#i really hope it *is* the anemia because it would explain it but damn how am i gonna function until friday i can't sleep#and also like i've been whete these numbers are at before so why is it so much worse so suddenly#that's what's worrisome - where are all my red blood cells going? bc that means the internal bleeding thing is back on the table#well or the bone cancer?#there are too many things that could cause the same symptoms what tge fuck#torn between just taking aleve until nothing hurts (except if it's my kidneys ... or hey my stomache bc nsaids)#and packing a hospital bag just in case because catastrophisizing is what you do when you're home by yourself#it's so hard to tell when you're fat but you *think* you've been losing a weird amount of weight for no known reason#ignire this i'm typing it out bc i need to put it down somewhere and this blog is like a journal
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i wanna know where ppl got this idea that im like infinitely praised or something so i need to be constantly humbled bc like... im kinda the only one out here supporting and validating me and I have been like my whole life so......
#who is this for#can you just say you wanna abuse me and go#vent#yeah im overly confident and i have a persona whos full of himself. kinda gotta be when you're the only one giving yourself confidence#in the first place.#all ik is if i was infinitely praised i would have never started cutting myself.#im quite literally the only one keeping myself alive emotionally and mentally. im like howls house at the end of howls moving castle#when its slowly falling apart and just BARELY making it by#the fact you're able to mistake my confidence as some sort of cultivated thing by people in my life should tell you how this has#been going on since i was a child and ive needed to build my own confidence. ive had to become my own parent.#it seems cultivated because *i* cultivated it.#otherwise i wouldve just let everything everyone said about me make me kill myself even if theyre literally just being judgemental assholes#when you have no one who counters that in your life you gotta be that for yourself.#i promise- most likely whatever you've come up with to try to humble me with ive already 'humbled' myself plenty over.#unless. of course. its some bullshit you believe from someone who abused me and has to create a narrative of their ultimate victimhood#so you think im some sort of mastermind manipulator abuser or something. then no ofc i havent humbled myself over that#bc theres nothing to be humbled over. ill get back to you when i actually do that shit.#theres already plenty to criticize we dont gotta make shit up to hate me over you losers.#if you feel like its not good enough justification to hate me as much as you do w/o believing lies then maybe you need to learn#how to not invest that much energy into hating other people that you need to literally believe bullshit to justify it
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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you're making me wish you'd stop talking to me bc i don't think you have anything to say to me about anything except my academics. i can't even breath in your presence without you going on about how i should be learning
#do you not realise doing this is not helping?? like at all???#it's only making me want to go against you and do everything wrong on purpose#ik you want the best for me ik you love the most but please please try to understand that this is only stressing me out more#i can't remember the last time we had a conversation that wasn't related to how im studying#and please also understand that i cannot always follow your study methods i can do only what suits me the best#just bc a lot of achievers are following smth doesn't mean i should be#and i beg you talk to me about literally anything else#this is only making us grow apart#and i can feel it and it just hurts#also you kept telling me to talk to people more and make friends but now that i actually have friends you want me to#cut them off bc i've been talking about them a lot and wasting time?#also is the first thing that comes to ur mind when i say i have a lot of hairfall is that u need to get me married???#you weren't like this before what changed#it devastates me how much you've changed over the course of two months#you're not only stressing me out but you're exhausting yourself out too please you're growing old take care lf urself#not everything has to be about me#it only makes me worry and make me feel guilty that im not doing my best for u#the only thing id want is for you to think about YOURSELF for once#i love u so so much so please don't do this to both of us please please prioritise yourself#we can work this out together i swear just listen to me once hear me out
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Small Rant
I very rarely scroll through tiktok for Brandon content bc its a barren desert but
Boy, the top liked tiktok under the winx brandon search never fails to piss me off. The tiktok was a screen-record of the S4 scene where Mitzi kisses Brandon and Stella is shocked.
The entire comment section is bashing Brandon like....bro.
Its flooded with comments like "Stella should have broken up with him", "All the specialists are red flags" and "Stella deserves better"
First of all, how dare you.
Second of all, is it childish to be so pressed about hate comments about a fictional character? Maybe. Am I still defending him because I'm a Brandon stan? Yes.
You best bet I am exploding all you people in the comments with my mind.
#cannot stand vitriol against brandon#especially since he has one of the most healthy rs in the group with stella#putting aside the s4 is creating drama for the sake of it argument#i understand stellas anger but homegirl threatened to vaporise mitzi idk what else brandon is supposed to do#i also feel his blushing reaction can be perceived as embarassment bc its a possible reaction aft he's been suddenly kissed#while i think he could have been a bit more understanding#i dont think ppl would react very well to your gf screaming at you after you've been involuntarily kissed by someone else#not to mention hes been trying to make up for it for the rest of the season#and has tried to explain himself multiple times but stella was still mad and refused to hear#at least from my memory thats what i rmb#both parties are at fault to a degree and its wrong to pin all the blame onto brandon#am i coping? maybe. deal with it#also WHY DID THE REST OF THEM NOT STEP IN TO EXPLAIN????#s4 and their weird ass misunderstanding plots#tldr do not slander brandon in front of me!!! i WILL go ape!!!#the audacity for them to say all specialists are red flags AFTER SEEING BRANDON OF ALL PEOPLE#narrative aside...i think the most ludicrous comment is 'stella is too hot for him'#ARE U CRAZY#THEY'RE BOTH HOT#DONT LIE TO YOURSELF#jester talks about stuff#jester losing it
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ranting/oversharing/whatever under the cut but tldr; pls pls bare with me if my activity becomes weird or if i’m not liking stuff/commenting as much/ taking forever to do wcifs....that sort of thing. i’ve got a lot going on, but i love u all sm and only have to get thru 1 and a half more months of the school year and then you guys will see waaaayyy too much of me all summer long 😉
i’m a teacher in a special education inclusion class so it’s co-teaching. there’s supposed to be two teachers since we have academically low and behavioral kids who need support. this is my second year working with the same co-teacher. well, long story short, she didn’t get her contract renewed for next year aka she was fired. she always been absolutely miserable and lets it show...gets easily frustrated, does the bare minimum, barely even likes teaching it seems. she’s the type to consistently mess up her own life and then blame everyone else. i’ve seen her go through MULTIPLE side jobs in the two years i’ve known her and each time shes left due to, you guessed it, drama! but she hasn’t figured out that she is the problem.
so anyway now the consequences of her own actions have caught up with her and she doesn’t have a job for next year even though she has to finish out the remainder of this year. and she’s PISSED. she has nothing left to lose since she already knows she won’t be back next year. our building is short-staffed, plus she has a contract for this year so there’s not much they can do. but she’s 100% done trying. she’s using up her sick days, so she hasn’t been here in a bit. which leaves me to scramble and do the work of two people. she’s also attempting to, essentially, commit fraud by trying to go out on disability. so idek if she’ll be back
oversharing about all this to say, my days are now incredibly hectic and i am very busy and tired. i barely have time to sit down, let alone be on tumblr during the day sadly. so i’m really sorry if i fall off. it feels super hypocritical to post and expect u guys to interact with my stuff while i’m barely online to see yours. i promise i’ll try to do catch-ups and interact with what i can when i’m online. ❤️❤️❤️ and once summer starts i’ll return to being around much more.
#also with the racist spam and having to turn off my askbox plus me being off my meds i am just....feeling meh#i love simblr sm but there rly is so much going on with work#this is my busiest time of the year bc we have end of year meetings#esp since i'm special ed there are mandatory iep meetings all through may and june#and i may be doing this all alone now#i luv u guys sm though#sorry for ranting#i overexplain so much haha#i also just needed to rant bc i am so pissed she's doing this to me#she spent all year being miserable#yelling at kids#being combative with admin#she legit wears the MOST unprofessional attire you've ever seen in your life#in a district where we're already allowed to wear jeans and sneakers#and now that she's been fired essentially she wants to go on disability to avoid coming here#bc she feels uncomfortable#like bitch u did this to yourself! UGH
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just realized something and even tho it's something very silly i feel so bad about it 😭
#i just.... sometimes i listen to ateez. i do enjoy some of their songs bc the brand of noise music they produce is interesting and fun!!!!#obvsly that doesn't mean that i stan them. no matter how pretty seonghwa and mingi are i just don't i'm not 15 anymore :)#but i know their names and i can identify some of them when they sing/rap (see: mingi jongho and hongjoong. happy bday king btw!!!)#because they have distinguishable voices even with all the vocal processing they add to their songs#however.... when it comes to what i assume is the rest of their vocal line i'm still trying to... kind of sort them out#and that's fine bc i don't listen their music that much. but their voices are similar in tone right? to me they are at least but idk!!!!#well today i just realized that i have never heard them talk. like outside of singing idk their voices. i don't watch their content#no wait i did watch that one video with san and hongjoong trying out british food........ but the point still stands!!!!!#today i was scrolling down on twt and a video of san mingi and yunho appeared and as i listened to it.... something wasn't adding up to me#and it was so weird bc? yeah that's mingi's voice. and ah okay san talks like that. but yunho???????#he has always reminded me of chanyeol. so much. so as i was listening to him talking my brain kept saying ''wasn't his voice deeper??''#and yeah it IS deep but it's not pcy deep!!!!!!!! like girl you've been fooling yourself all this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#in my head i keep on giving him pcy's voice which is. insane. and i don't know how i never registered it while listening to their songs#i truly feel so bad about it like it's so weird how i never realized i was doing this unconsciously YUNHO I'M SORRYYY#2 am thoughts are strange but this one has shaken me up so much like girl.... not everything is about your favorite unemployed legends!!!!#dara.t
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when th freaking uquiz real
#{ ooc } ✗ 「 wenp reporter 」#tbd.#[ JUST.#[ thinking ab the world before canon/old gen vibes <3#[ thinking about what it Means to be Hero of the Marines#[ when they see how you shine and they raise you up but you've only ever been a symbol to them#[ something for them to strive towards control#[ and it all builds up for What#[ are the choices you make really yours?#[ you covet freedom and its glory but how long has it been since you've truly had it?#[ when was the last time you had a dream just for yourself?#[ do you even remember?#[ <- on 4 hours of sleep and having a normal one#[ don't think i'll post this uquiz bc i think i. did do it before? <- unsure#[ but man. just. thinks a normal amount about how garp is one of the freest men in the navy due to his status and reputation#[ and it feels free enough for him to be happy with it but when the restrictions come to play#[ they hit Hard
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hopefully tomorrow is different, but today's just been a bad brain and body day all around. i'm so low energy rn that i wanna weep and lay in one spot asdf i'm trying!! to brainstorm some more lore bc that stuff excites me so much!! but even that feels like a chore, and i guess the point of this post is i love y'all!! and pls take care of yourselves when you don't feel well!! i accomplished some things today -- way more than i should have, considering how i feel rn. but if i hadn't, that would've been okay, and it's okay that i can't motivate myself atm. everyone's going to have bad days, and it's really important that we're kind to ourselves when that happens. pls remember that <3
#i'm feeling weepy bc i don't feel good and it's easy to get upset with yourself when you're like that#and i guess this is as much a reminder to myself as it is to y'all#it's okay to not feel good and to need a day where you just!! don't do anything!! or to rest as soon as you've done the#important stuff you needed to do!!#i cleaned a little and i studied for my classes and the rest of the day i haven't been able to do much else and maybe my brain#needed that especially after all the excitement yesterday#okay i'm rambling at this point but i'm sending y'all my love and well-wishes!! mwah mwah!!#get ready to ramble | ooc
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CW: vent in tags (I'm sorry idk Tumblr etiquette yet-)
unfortunately a lot of the corny self help advice turns out to be true but the thing is you have to come to those conclusions yourself otherwise it just sounds dismissive and dumb
#THIS IS SO TRUE!#I hear myself recommending advice I straight out dismissed#the magnus archives#tma#Mainly bcs even though I've gone thro similar things idk how to confort others (I don't know how I found comfort before)#It feels fake when I'm told to do it#And ig part of me doesn't want it to be true. To be that easy. Like what I'm feeling is real. It's not just a bit of low mood#It's depression and it's hurts me. It is a part of my life and I hate it#But it can't be fixed by just some deep breaths or positive affirmations right? It's more serious than that#I want to get better but part of me doesn't want it to be as simple as that because that would mean all that time I was just being dramatic#And what would it make all this? Pointless? Pathetic?#It feels fake anyways. Being told to do something. My brain's cynical so will find any and all flaws with the suggestion#And I just can't do positive affirmations. It's feels so so fake and like you're lying to yourself#And then it feels like you're being egotistical and self absorbed. Like oh look at me I'm so great and amazing. I just can't#I feel like I've gone off topic-#But like when someone else suggests something I can often dismiss it out if hand because I can list all the reasons it wouldn't work for me#But sometimes when you find it yourself - even if you know it's been recommended before - it works better#I guess it's because you've chosen to give it a try willingly?#Idk I'm still tryna find stuff that helps#Is this the kinda stuff you should post if Tumblr? What are the rules for like...vents ig?#This may be kinda triggering for some people uhhh content warning?#Shit but like you can't move tags so I can't add one at the top uhh-#Wait solution!#Okay well yknow sorry if you read all that and yea uhh imma head to bed now or pretend to :D
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